matthew_and_miyas_rpfandomcom-20200213-history
Doofenshmirtz
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, (Dr. D, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Doofenshmirtz, Heinz or Doof for short), nicknamed Slouchy by Rodney, is a 47 year old evil scientist hailing from the country of Drusselstein. He is the head of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. He tends not to be evil in the traditional sense, but rather overly dramatic, eccentric and generally clueless. His usual lair is an office building that he apparently owns, though he's worked from other locations when necessary for his plans. He attempts to wreak generally "evil" havoc and assert his rule across the entire Tri-State Area. Despite true dedication to this mission, almost all of his plans have been thwarted by his nemesis Perry the Platypus, though a few turn out to be successful in nature. (Doofenshmirtz has become so used to this foiling that he tends to feel empty or upset on the few occasions where Perry does not stand in his way.) Dr. Doofenshmirtz seems to quite enjoy musical numbers, and has performed songs about "impressing his professor" and how he hates his brother among other subjects. Though most of his plans are frequently flawful at best and his doctorate was purchased off the internet, some of his inventions (almost always suffixed with "-inator") have been fairly impressive and successful. Online, Doofenshmirtz goes by the name of StrudelCutie4427. Doofenshmirtz suffered through a comically exaggerated neglectful, even abusive, claimed terrible childhood that left him scarred for the rest of his life. His parents were mentally abusive and ignored him, briefly disowned him, forced him to wear dresses or act as a lawn gnome, and frequently restricted him from doing even the smallest things. He also had to deal with many bullies, had no real friends, except for a balloon with a face painted on it, had issues with his body (a high squeaky voice and inability to grow facial hair), and generally failed embarrassingly at nearly everything he attempted. (The exceptions being cup stacking and, for a short time, shadow puppetry). His record in romance was equally dismal and almost always ended up with him being broken-hearted. Because of this, he built a robot to destroy love, which landed in the hands of Phineas and Ferb. Somehow he managed to woo and win the hand of Charlene and had one daughter with her before it fell apart and they divorced. Due to the cumulative weight of all these hardships he turned to evil and constantly attempts to seek vaguely directed vengeance with odd items he purchased off the internet. History Since the beginning of his life, Heinz never had a wonderful or even "normal" life. He had mentally abusive parents who never cared about him or even noted possible knowledge of his existence. When Doofenshmirtz was born, neither of his parents "bothered to show up". He celebrated every birthday after that alone, throwing himself surprise parties at places like Gunther Goat Cheese's. When he did have a birthday cake, it was always eaten by Doonkelberry Bats. At one time he was actually disowned by his parents, forcing him to live with ocelots. Needing money, he got a job at a carnival as the ball you throw at the target at the dunk tank. At the same time, for a reason that Heinz did not want to relate, he emanated a smell of pork so strong that no one would come near him. So he drew a face on a balloon and named it "Balloony," spraying it with long-lasting spray. Eventually, he returned to his normal family. His father was so poor that his beloved lawn gnome was repossessed. While other people were allowed to relax, he was forced to be the family's lawn gnome all day and night without being allowed to move in the slightest for any reason even to eat or sleep. At night his only companions were the moon, Balloony, and his neighbor Kenny. During one night, Balloony flew off, and Heinz could not retrieve him. In his father's heart, he was replaced by a spitzenhound named Only Son that his father won in a contest of "Poke the Goozim with a Stick". Even though Only Son was an award-winning dog that brought his father fame and fortune, and the family should have been able to buy back the lawn gnome, Heinz was still forced to be the lawn gnome. This appears to be the source of Doofenshmirtz's fragile self-esteem. While his parents awaited their new baby, who they believed to be a girl, they knitted dozens of dresses for their new baby. But their baby was born a boy and was named Roger. Doofenshmirtz was forced to wear the old dresses due to lack of cloth, causing him to be constantly made fun of by his schoolmates, and on top of that, Roger was now favored by Heinz's mother for being a "goody-two shoes." Roger as well was favored by his mother for his amazing abilities in kickball, a skill in which Heinz was sorely lacking in. Heinz felt even more shunned because of this. He tried to play several sports to impress his mother, but failed at all of them. In grade school, for example, he flunked jungle gym. Heinz was still not completely forgotten, however, it seemed like he was only ever acknowledged so he could be mentally abused more. His mother for example wouldn't let him into public pools, possibly stemming from Heinz's embarrassing failure to perform the high-dive as a rite of manhood. Then his parents wouldn't let him watch music videos as a child. He has been bullied throughout his life by Boris, starting when they were both in Drusselstein. Boris constantly kicked sand in Doofenshmritz's face even in the most unexpected places, so much so that even on days where Boris didn't, Doofenshmirtz still found no peace because he was always expecting Boris to show up. He was also tormented by a local girl named Grulinda, who had a habit of dumping a bucket of water on Doofenshmirtz. Unknown to Heinz, this was rooted in Grulinda's feelings for him, so he assumed she was yet another bully and, similar to his relationship with Boris, held a grudge against her that lasted until adulthood. Growing up, he tried his hand at magic. He got a gig, but hadn't quite perfected his act yet. When he tried to pull Bobo the Rabbit out of his hat, there was a skunk instead. He was quite upset about this and gave up magic until well into his adulthood. But at that point he actually found Bobo. Heinz entered in his first science fair with his first "Inator" (Doofenshmirtz wasn't very creative with names yet) a working laser cannon. He was about to win, but for some reason lost to a baking soda volcano. The next year, he made an "Even-Bigger-Inator" but lost again to a baking soda volcano. Throughout his youth, he was told he couldn't "make mountains out of molehills" even when the situation was serious, such as burning down his building, which led him to do so literally. He carried this on to his adulthood. He has also always had a high squeaky-sounding voice that he strongly dislikes even to this day. Doofenshmirtz's childhood did not put particular emphasis on Christmas as he says that he "didn't love Christmas but he didn't hate it either." He once went to a camp and was attacked by bees. He received one sting and numerous injuries due to falling from a hill while running from said bees. The event also left a hydrant in his knee, which due to being to close to his arteries, cannot be surgically removed. This event would later make Heinz overprotective of his daughter when she camped with her friends as a teenager. When he was around 15, he realized he was unable to grow facial hair and began to think people who grow out their facial hair only do so to make fun of him. Also at this age, he was a big face in the "Shadow Puppet" business, so good that he began dating and had a "Fräulein." But, a new boy in the village with huge hands named Huge-Hands Hans showed up and, though his shadow puppets were garbage (literally), took his "Fraulein" away from him. This could be the cause of Heinz's fear of commitment and terror of dating girls, even into his adulthood. At around age 16, he went to America, due to his parents tricking him to go to the "Schtor", which turn out to be only a painting, leaving him on a boat to America. In high school, he filmed himself in a very embarrassing moment: in his underwear and a cape, he skated through a room and into a toilet while saying "I am a superstar!" The recording later became a viral video across the Internet and became so well known that he couldn't walk outside his apartment room without being made into a laughing stock. After this before going into college he started to paint, but could never find a muse. One day he finally found one, and painted for three days straight, and made a "masterpiece" he than rushed off to show his brother, but Roger's food spilled onto his beloved masterpiece sparking up a newer more personal grudge against Roger than past grudges which were more parental. After losing in the science fairs, he wanted to devote his life to poetry competitions instead. One of his poems was: The movies are gray. The TV is black. The horses are running. Please bring me some food. Curiously, he still somehow lost to a baking soda volcano, although it is seemingly impossible for a baking soda volcano to recite poetry that outclassed him; or rather, any poetry at all. As a young man, he started his own bratwurst company, Doofenshmirtz's Quality Bratwurst, during a time which he described as him being less evil than in his current occupation. He even sold the bratwurst personally as a bratwurst street vendor, but without much, if any, success. Despite having "superior workmanship, finer meats and exotic spices", street vendors that sold hot dogs did much better than bratwurst vendors. At the present time, almost no one (other than Heinz himself) remembers that street vendors once sold bratwursts. Heinz attributes this to hot dog vendors "having it all": chrome-plated carts, endorsement deals and fancy blimps. After two young boys walked by him while he was doing his job as a street vendor and made a joke about selling bratwursts being a telling sign that a person is lame, Heinz vowed that he would get revenge against the hot dog vendors. In evil school, he was tormented by his Evil 101 teacher, Dr. Gevaarlijk, who flunked him out of evil school. To this day, Doofenshmirtz swears to get her to appreciate him for the evil he truly has. He also did a thesis based on an early ransom note of Dr. Lloyd Wexler. He dated Linda Flynn once before she became famous. She actually appears to be, at least in part, the reason why Doofenshmirtz is so focused on controlling and/or terrorizing only the Tri-State Area. At one point she discussed her desires to become a pop-star, but Doofenshmirtz, not believing she could do it replied sarcastically, "Yeah, right, and I'm going to rule the world". Linda replied thoughtfully that he could just start off small, like "with the Tri-State Area." He took classes with Principal Lang, who was in love with Charlene at that time. Since meeting him while getting his photo taken, Doofenshmirtz's nemesis has been Agent P, or Perry the Platypus. Agent P never attempts to lock Doofenshmirtz up, and after every mission he leaves the doctor in the rubble and runs away. His evil mentor was Professor Destructicon, also known as Kevin to his friends. Kevin's last request before being locked away was to have his protege set the sun on fire. Doofenshmirtz, in a rare moment of clarity, reasoned that the sun is a big ball of fire, so this wouldn't work. So Kevin asked him to just destroy the island hideout instead. In the summer of one year, Doofenshmirtz attempted to build his own evil nation in the bay of the Tri-State Area out of spite of his brother being elected mayor. The country, however, was on a giant inner tube which was popped and destroyed. Doofenshmirtz went into space in the same summer, and used this time to exact revenge on Huge Hands Hans. He was going to use a space station to create a giant shadow puppet on the moon, thus proving old Hans that he was better. He was thwarted, however, and even almost died by going out into space without a helmet. Heinz tried again to win a science fair as the middle of the summer came, but ending up falling into a portal to mars. His score with Perry the Platypus also became smaller and smaller, Perry's reaching such a level that on his board his uses to keep track of it, he needed sticky notes to put them all on. His endeavors have as well grown and at one point desired global conquest and not an areal one. Recently, Doofenshmirtz took up an internship with The Regurgitator, mostly because he offered maternity leave, but when he accidentally aided Perry in his capture as well as blowing up his lair, he seems to have returned to his normal evil career. Doofenshmirtz also belongs to the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. organization. In the 80's, Heinz went on a blind date with Linda Flynn, who would become the famous one-hit wonder Lindana. The date did not go well however, and Heinz ended up not paying for the movie they barely watched. Presumably, around about 1991, Doofenshmirtz married a woman named Charlene. In c. 1992, Charlene gave birth to a girl, Vanessa. As Vanessa grew up, he always tried to give her a special birthday party, likely to make up for his own rather terrible birthdays, but she never liked them. At some point, Doofenshmirtz became divorced from Charlene, though they maintain a somewhat-civil relationship and share custody of Vanessa, who is occasionally seen taking part (albeit unwillingly) in her father's plans. Even after this, he continued to try to throw large and extravagant birthday parties for his daughter; they were very childish and "girly" even though she was much older and more mature, which upsets her. These vigorous attempts to give her the perfect birthday party might be linked to his own childhood in which he had no birthdays at all. He eventually went looking for a new home within his budget range and was shown a "hodge-podge" house and a trailer, suggesting that he was house shopping during the divorce with Charlene since he would've had no alimony checks from Charlene to help him with his expenses. Finally he found his present home, which he immediately fell in love with and purchased it, being within his budget. Not until the first night did he discover why it was so cheap. He couldn't fall asleep that night due to ship horns and after further investigation discovered that there was a lighthouse nearby attracting all the ships. Either before or after marrying Charlene, Heinz fell in love with a woman named Elizabeth. Elizabeth had a rather unhealthy obsession with whales, and so Heinz, attempting to impress her, built a whale-translator so they could understand the whales. But the whale they chose trash-talked about Doofenshmirtz, saying Elizabeth should dump Heinz and go out with him. She did so, and Heinz grew with envy. Since his divorce, he has recently started dating again, but hasn't had much luck. He planned on using a giant magnet to erase the tape of one girlfriend's answering machine because he left so many embarrassing, long and rambling messages on it. Also, he had a date that he met online which took place in his mountain hideout. She was more enamored with Perry the Platypus than with him. His next online date went far better and the two fell in love, but it fell apart once she was struck by a beam that made her feel no love at all. While Doofenshmirtz hates all other holidays, even his own birthday, he has no hate or love for Christmas. Despite his tragic childhood, Doofenshmirtz claims that Christmas still wasn't that bad and is frustrated that he just can't find a reason to ruin Christmas. It fills him with an intense, burning indifference, so much so that his Christmas wish was to find a reason to hate Christmas. Regardless of his prevailing ambivalent feelings towards the holiday, when he was given the chance, he chose to "cancel" Christmas by using his Naughty-inator after he mistakes a group of carolers singing as a threat to not leave until they got figgy pudding. After Perry defeats him on Christmas, he has a reason to hate the holiday, though paradoxically he finds this to be a reason to celebrate the Holiday anyway. Doofenshmirtz has adept hand-eye-coordination, and for several years he held the title of best cup stacker in the world. However, Candace Flynn may have unofficially broken the record.